At one point or another, some of us become aware of a foul chimera that needs staring down: silver-tongued, dark-hearted and ultimately shame-inducing, perfectionism robs many of us of the ability to enjoy life on the simplest of terms. Particularly for those involved in creative pursuits, it is an all-too-familiar soul entanglement. Posing as a pursuer of excellence, perfectionism grasps for what can never be attained then beats us up for not being capable enough.
In the legitimate and genuine effort to do what is right and best, the spirit of perfectionism lurks about, pleasing others in the name of love, offering superior service or doing good deeds—all noble impulses. But the longer we allow this specter to walk alongside, the more skewed our perspective becomes. If we not only let it remain but operate in agreement, we will ultimately labor under a delusion that we are perpetually failing, even if to the rest of the watching world, we are at the top of our game.
Because the term “perfectionism” suggests something we commonly consider to be a value, I would like to think of a different term for what I’ve come to be live is a malady on par with alcoholism or other self-destructive addiction. If you can bear with a bit of linguistic folly here, “defectionism” might be a more appropriate term, (except for political nuances to the definition which do not apply); but it does capture a sense of the penchant for perfectionists to only point out what is wrong, and not allow celebration of what is right. Building upon this, perhaps a term more suited would be “dearth-affectionism”—as the breeding ground for perfectionistic tendencies is almost always if not entirely due to a lack of felt affection and affirmation from those we most need or needed to experience it from.
Call it what you will, perfectionism keeps us back from leading the life we long to live, that we sense we are capable of, and yet feel denied of at the same time, by virtue of some elusive, un-nameable sense that nevertheless claims our best attempts and renders them short of the goal. At first thought, ‘perfectionism” would seem an unlikely suspect in what many of us grimly attest is an equally unquantifiable but nevertheless subtly relentless penchant for subtle forms of self-sabotage. And while sabotage can absolutely be a contender resisting us on the path to actualization of our goals and dreams, we often underestimate the part perfectionism plays in that process.
First: many of us view, or have at one time viewed perfectionism as something a bit grand, something to laugh off as our tendency to be overly particular and precise.
However, perfectionism is not about doing what you do with excellence. It is instead the unattainable endeavor to procure a sense of security with one’s identity by attempting to make oneself worthy, yet sadly, on terms that can never be met.